The following Gollum-esque conversation just occurred in my head.
Voice 1: Ugh. The floor is nasty. I hate mopping.
Voice 2: Yes. You need to mop. It seems it is that time of the quarter again.
V1: Has it really been that long since I've mopped?
V2: The last time you mopped was for Henry's birthday party.
V1: That's not so bad.
V2: That was April. It is now June. Do the math.
V1: Ugh. The floor is nasty. I hate mopping. Maybe I can get away with just vacuuming.
Vacuum kitchen floor. Twice.
V2: The floor is still pretty gross.
V1: I think if I had a better mop I'd enjoy this more. I saw a cool one on TV.
V2: You've used this argument before. And your problem does not lie with the mop.
V1: I wish I had a maid.
V2: People saving up for adoptions do not have maids.
V1: I know, I know. But maybe I could get someone who would clean our house in exchange for free room and board.
V2: You mean, like, oh, I don't know--a slave?
V1: Well...(Pauses) I don't like the term slave.
V2: But you are wanting someone who will work for you for free. That's called a slave.
V1: I'll be really nice and we have a brand new mattress in our guest room.
V2: Nice. So free room. I'm assuming by board you aim to feed this slave? With what? Leftover take out from Casa Grande?
V1: No. I was envisioning buying groceries with which this person could cook.
V2: So a maid and a cook.
V2: What will you be doing?
V1: Taking Henry to the pool. Buying the groceries. Blogging about the voices in my head.
V2: You do know that in the time it has taken you to type this you could have already mopped the kitchen.
V1: Shut up.
V2: Don't tell me to shut up. You're the one who wants a slave...